This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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