Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
