last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
