If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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