You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
