She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
