Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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