Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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