I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
