Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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