At least make sure they are 18
Why
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My penis needs a shock collar
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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