people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
