you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
