I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
