well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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