im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
