I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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