I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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