I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
