How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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