yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
