if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
