Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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