I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
