I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
