i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
