EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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