I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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