Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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