I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
