I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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