she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
