I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
