there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
