we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
