Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
