Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
