Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
