I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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