my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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