Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
