My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
