Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
