He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
