You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
