i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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