im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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