Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
