rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
