i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
