hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
