i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
