Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
