I'm so fucking centered right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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