She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
