I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
